Do You Wanna Watch?

It’s been a while since you’ve heard me talk about TV because the direction things are going in is both scary and exhilarating.    As life is.

It’s becoming quite clear that the best format for my show could be reality.

Reality like looking into my everyday life reality.  There’s so many judgments in my mind associated with that idea and yet in my body, I can feel the excitement.

Fortunately, my body is no longer numb so I can actually feel the excitement and not merely be led by the confused chatter in my confused monkey mind.

My mind tells me reality is for trashy people.  But, you know what?  I LOVE reality TV.

My mind says no one really wants to see what goes on around here anyway.  Truth?  I do have a pretty crazy household.  And, I know that seeing what REALLY goes on would be hugely empowering for those of you thinking you can’t do something because.

Here’s just a smattering of what’s happening in my life right now:

My ex-husband lives in the garage apartment behind my house; it has no bathroom so he’s in and out of the house all the time.  His nephew is moving in with us because his mom (my ex’s sister) is moving back to Kentucky so she can find herself.  My bi-coastal boyfriend lives half the time here and half the time in Atlanta.

I’m running a million dollar business from my couch and leveraging it into multi-millions by writing books, raising money to build a SAAS application (although Penelope Trunk says I’m nuts and should not do it), and creating a new name brand in a niche never before successfully branded that will change the way people think about lawyers.   And, oh yeah, coaching business owners and lawyers on how to build their businesses.  In partnership with my boyfriend.

All this while homeschooling my kids.  Maybe.  Next year.  Probably.  Am I insane?

My best friend, a stay at home mom who packed up her two kids and took off in an RV a year ago, now spends her time listening to spiritual tapes and attending satsangs while her kids raise themselves to some degree. And thanks to her waking me up to God several years ago as she guided me through my divorce, I’m now taking ministerial classes at Agape International Spiritual Center.

My mom is a 60-year old hippie, artist who lives in Miami and goes out and parties more than I do.  She and my stepmom are great friends and frequently come visit and stay here at the house together.

My personal assistant is a 20-year old snowboarder who never went to school until now.  Really, never.  And he handles just about every aspect of my life.  He’s got a lot to learn, but he’s amazing.

The most fascinating part is the polarity that comes through my life.  The highest of the highs, the lowest of the lows, the richest of the rich and the poorest of the poor.  It’s all here.

Extreme abundance.  I’m coaching business owners t0 build 6 and 7 figure businesses.  Attending Mastermind Retreats at the Four Seasons in Maui.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I have 4 adult people in my life (all with different life circumstances) who have no income whatsoever and could be homeless at any moment.

During dinner, you are likely to see me coaching one of my nephews on his next business venture or teaching my kids my values based in oneness, God, entrepreneurship and love.  To pass on these values, my kids and I attend Burning Man each year.  Last year, we all ended up sleeping in the RV together.  That’s a story for another day.

The list of insanity goes on and on.

I started this blog with the intention of letting you in.  Showing you all of it on a day to day basis.  Like Penelope.  But, it just moves too fast for me to do that.   Or I write too slow.  As it is, I already feel like my computer is connected to my body and I’m not sharing even a tenth of what’s going on.

I’ve finally come to accept a reality show could be the best way.  Even though it would mean giving up my privacy and letting everyone in on who I really am.  Even though it would very likely open me up to all sorts of judgment.  I’m ready.  Scared to death.  But, ready.

Cary Tennis, my all time favorite advice columnnist, who writes for Salon, says …

“Let’s just postulate that all our desires are holy and universal, that all our private aspirations are in some sense the aspirations of millions, that all our struggles belong to the struggling world, that all our heartache is the world’s heartache, and that it is a high calling, for those of us who can do it, to turn ourselves inside-out and say ‘Look, see here, there’s nothing here you don’t recognize in yourself, so let’s try to do this together!'”

I’m willing to turn myself inside out so I can show you that you are okay just the way you are and there’s nothing you cannot do if you desire it and make the choice to be it and have it.  I’m scared to death.

But, I want to do it because as Cary says:

“Those who express the universal truths that lie buried in our private struggles help others find what is noble in their own hidden and sometimes shame-ridden dreams.  To lead, to visualize, to describe for others this far and strange direction toward which we walk in the heat: This is the job of a leader.”

YES!  This is the purpose behind my life.  It is to “express the universal truths that lie buried” in my own private struggles so I can “help others find what is noble in their own hidden and sometimes shame-ridden dreams.”

I’ve always felt about everything that if I couldn’t teach it to others, it wasn’t worth learning. I want to teach you that you can do everything I am doing too!  My life is no different than yours, really.

Silence is the enemy.  We all have dreams and no matter what they might be, silence is our enemy.  If I keep my dreams and my struggles hidden out of shame or fear, you will do the same and  more of us will die having never achieved what we want or even admitted it.  Can you imagine coming to the end of your life and saying to yourself: “Well, at least I didn’t try and fail.  That would have been so much worse.”

“When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly.”
— Patrick Overton

I’m ready to step off the edge.  Will you be watching?