You’ve watched my transformation here over the last couple of years.
First, my move from Los Angeles to the Boulder, Colorado area, then the breakup with Dave, marriage to Russell, and then split with Russell.
Through it all, I’ve continued to grow my businesses, serve with my Great Work, raise my children, and learn, grow and evolve myself. On yesterday’s Eyes Wide Open Coaching Circle call one of the questions asked was “Alexis, how do you keep going through the darkest moments?”
It was a great question because we all have dark moments and what I have seen is that those dark moments stop many of us from continuing. But, here’s what I want you to know … these dark moments, days, weeks, months or even years are our training for what’s coming. These dark moments are a gift and it’s up to you to see beyond the surface into what’s really happening.
You are being prepared for something great. You are in training. We are warriors.
Now is the time for you to tap into why you are here that is greater than the challenges, greater than the darkness, greater than whatever you feel like is in your way.
Give it all up. Let go of whatever it is that is holding you back from stepping into the truth of who you are and why you are really here.
I am.
I’ve been struggling with a decision about my future. I live in a big house, by a lake, two houses down from one of my best friend’s and around the corner from my kids’ school. It’s been a dream come true in many ways … 16 kids in the neighborhood, a gorgeous 5300 square foot home, the American Dream.
The house is for sale and I’ve been considering buying it.
But instead, I decided to move out.
I’m moving out of my big house by the lake and moving to the farm so that I can truly be present for the community we are creating there.
I’m scared to death. I’m not a farm girl. I’m a Jewish American Princess from Miami, Florida. My idea of roughing it used to be the Holiday Inn. At the farm, I’ll be moving into the barn. Yes, the barn. Or perhaps a Yurt.
I’m letting go of most of what fills my massive home on the lake and squeezing it into 2 rooms and a teeny closet, that my kids and I will share!
Why would I do such a thing?
Because my lifestyle as it exists right now is not sustainable or congruent with what I truly want beyond my ego’s desire and quest for more, more, more, more, more.
I want freedom. I want community. I want sustainability. I want to never, ever, ever again do anything I do not want to do because I think I “should” or “have to” for the money.
Holding on to the house puts an unnecessary burden on what I really want. It keeps me isolated and away from my community. It keeps me absorbed in my computer and feeling pressured to keep earning more money. It keeps me trapped in the matrix of the American Dream.
And while I am so fortunate to have learned how to generate big money by sharing my Great Work with the world and my mind says “Alexis, you are crazy, you can have the house and the farm too. You do not need to give it up; just do another campaign, launch another product or host another event; you know how to make plenty of money,” I know that is merely a perpetuation of the trap.
More, more, more, more — well, the reality is … as we go into this new paradigm less is more. I have not lived that quite yet, but I can feel it in my heart, soul, and deep in my belly. I know it’s true.
So, I’m giving it all up for something greater. Community, sustainability, freedom.
As soon as I made the decision to let go, the Universe conspired to say yes and literally the next day I received an email from my landlord asking me if I could move out by August 15 because he had sold the house. I thought I had until January when my lease is up, but it turns out that the Universe has other plans for me.
When we come into alignment with what we really want and what wants to happen and drop all resistance, rapid manifestation results. Time speeds up. Make a clear decision, snap your fingers and watch it happen.
I wonder what your life is asking you to give up that you might be holding on to with all your might? And what would be freed up if you gave it all up for something greater …
Share with me, will ya? Comment below and let’s discuss.
38 Comments
This shift for you sounds very familiar – I have had a growing pull to move from my suburban “American Dream” home to a place where nature surrounds me on all sides. The call is growing – and am now focusing on trusting that the how will reveal itself in divine timing. I think the barn lifestyle sounds liberating in so many ways. Bravo sista! 😉
Sounds like a great decision for you!
Hey, have you read any of the posts by this guy: http://guynameddave.com/100-thing-challenge ?I’m not such a minimalist, but I’m trying to reduce my stuff. It’s all just stuff anyway.
Yep, I let go of keeping up with the “dream” and decided to do what felt aligned and positioned me to serve from my genius two years ago. At first it was not my own decision but I realized that the more I resisted what I was feeling called to do the more painful my life felt.
Building a machine we “should” keep in motion is heavy work. It weighs our heart down and disconnects us from our truth.
Doing what is aligned with our truth feels expansive…even though it may hurt at times we know its right.
Congrats Alexis on taking on this big shift to be more in alignment. I hope more people will connect to their truth and relalign their business to serve their real goals (not the ones everyone tells them they SHOULD do too.)
“It keeps me trapped in the matrix of the American Dream.”
Love, love, love this, Lex.
I am so with you on the less is more. Stuff takes up too much space – financially, emotionally, time-wise, physically.
J was cut back to part-time (as a teacher, lol. You can imagine what a half-pay teacher makes) last year and we just found out he’s part-time again next year. It’s a little scary, but he has SO MUCH time at home! How different from when he was working nights in the family business and we never saw each other. He was making lots of money and our life sucked. Once we both understood what we wanted out of life and committed to it, things started to fall into place.
Best wishes on your evolutionary path. I’m always grateful to hear about the next quantum leaps in your life. Thanks for sharing and keep us posted!
Good for you, Alexis. Be patient & gentle with the kids, though (as I know you will be)…this will be a huge adjustment for them & there will be a time of adjustment which is very important to respect. But I believe you’re taking a great leap in the right direction. Although the same objective could be realized in a series of small steps – that never has been your style 🙂
I’ve been toying with the idea of launching a small biz, because that’s what bloggers do. I’d have ebooks + resources + coaching + products galore. Thing is, recently the idea of it all fills me with dread.
In my heart, I want to keep writing my blog. For free. I’m beginning to accept that it’s a hobby + a passion, but I don’t want or need it to be a money-making business. I hear the echoes of other bloggers… wait, you’re not trying to monetize? Slowly, I’m giving up the idea of creating that business. Truthfully, my cup already runneth over. I have an incredible “day job” I’m not trying to escape or leave, which makes calling it a day job a bit uncomfortable. It’s part of my vocation, my career, my heart. And, on top of that I have a blog & readers I adore. I think the Universe is asking me to give up my push for more, more, more and instead relish, love & appreciate what I already have.
Alexis, I admire and appreciate you so much! Although we’ve never met IRL and have only exchanged occasional tweets and I’ve participated in your courses, your experiences, your words, your transparency resonates deep within my soul. This blog especially struck a chord with me. You are so brave, so trusting. Is it easy for you to put these feelings and life journeys on the web? I’m grateful that you do because most of your blogs reach something deep inside of me that really cause me to FEEL and THINK. Thank you! While reading this particular entry I wondered…what would your 15-year-old self think of who you are now? Was she more farm girl or princess at heart? What would my 15-year-old self think of who I have become? Would she recognize herself in me? Would she be proud and excited to become me? Or would she run the other way and be disappointed that 22 years later this is where her life would be? I’ve lived in San Diego most of my life and last summer starting getting whispers that I’m supposed to be in Seattle. I don’t know why. Yesterday, my boyfriend was offered a potential career change that would bring us to Denver. I’ve always been drawn to the Mountains. Right now I’m just listening and waiting to see what the Universe presents.
One of these days I trust that our paths will cross and I’ll get to give you a hug.
I’ve had this incredible desire the past few days to go through the house and remove anything that’s not necessary, valuable, or meaningful. Over the course of 10 years of marriage, an antiques business (read: tons of auctions) and the merger of two lifetimes of STUFF, we have accumulated more than I care to admit. After about 10 yard sales last year, there’s still too much.
I love that you’re moving to the farm. I want to come visit! I liken it to our little farmhouse in the country that we used to live in. It was in a beautiful location and was so peaceful and calm. We could go away for a great vacation at the beach, and love it there – but then we’d go home and still be happy because it was also beautiful in its simplicity and connectedness to nature.We still live in the same area, but like you we now rent because it just made sense. The owners would like us to buy it, and it’s great because we can walk the kids to school across the street, but we have decided that we’re going to buy some land – 25 to 50 acres, and just build a house on it that meets our sustainability desires also. This is the beauty of what we do as entrepreneurs. We can do the work we love AND live in an environment that sustains, nourishes and restores us without the mania that another environment might breed.You are a magnificent being and a terrific businesswoman. You will forge your trail wherever you choose to land, and you will make the lives of others better in the process. I can’t wait to watch as your community at the farm continues to unfold!
Blessings,
Kyra
That dang money trap hey, feeling it too…it is exhausting to have to constantly be rolling out offers! I would so much rather just do my thing in service, have it be accessible to whomever truly needs it while my base needs are accounted for too, because we are all serving each other and the community as whole with our unique and valued contribution expressed in our own authentic way! Steiner said it best “many hands make for light work”!Ironically, one of the reasons that we have to make more $ is to get off the hamster wheel of consumerism itself! I personally need to significantly make more $ to have enough $ to buy the land that can support me off grid!
I want to be less reliant on the corporations that provide water, shelter, food, clothing, energy and heat- yet these corporations are swallowing up our income each month therefore keeping us dependant on them!! The cycle perpetuates itself….all the while I just want freedom, organic food, clean water, time for just being, creating, serving, sharing….
So many of us want to be reliant on mother nature and our community, yet the current system keeps us locked in by purposing our “accumulations” into the root cause of seperateness and isolation being the construct of ownership- we are all afraid to just give it all up and share! What if one contributes more and one less (monetarily) or one’s contribution is valued more highly than another’s in the current system (
privilege )….equality is scary when we need to be better than someone or have the impulse to make someone “more than”
and even when we can overcome that….they don’t let us share and merge anyway-under the guise of zoning ….the system is in place to keep us dependant on them and not on eachother!We need less marriages of couples and more marriages of families and communities, so that we can live interdependantly and create a new blueprint for living in community- a new way that will act as a bridge from this system into a new one…..phew that inpired just a bit of a wee rant!
But what I really wanted to say was many blessings on your move and may your new transition help pave the way for those who come after you!! I know I’m on my way!
Beautifully shared, Alexis. You will find freedom in simplicity. And peace. And grace.
And if you need any creative re-purposing and re-use suggestions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Trash 2 Treasure Creative ReUse Center, http://www.trash2treasurefl.org/about.php.
Cool for you! Your kids have a great mom as a role model.
Hi Alex! From another former J.A.P. (this one from Long Island) turned soul expansionist (ooh, I like that phrase, I’m going to use it today when I blog), I am constantly being faced with choices that pull me either more into alignment with the dream of my parents, teachers, community for me, or my own dream, which is a lot more creative. I truly admire your decision to follow your heart. Thank you so much for sharing. As I contemplate my own heart’s desire to leave NYC after spending my whole life here (34 years), it feels very stressful and scary. I don’t have any children relying on me so I’m sure when people make life decisions which affect the kids, it adds a whole other level. Anyway, as for me, I am working on listening to my gut and intuition. I am an actress, writer and group fitness instructor who craves a new environment, a warm weather home and the courage to give myself the chance to quit my 45 hr/week day job in full pursuit of the aforementioned 3 passions. So, California here I come. 🙂 LA is not exactly the natural habitat I’d probably best thrive in (Colorado, San Francisco may be a bit better) but the jobs I want are in LA and at least there is the beach and hiking trails within driving distance, I’m told. We shall see. I’ll be deciding in the next month or two. I am eager to expand, find freedom in my life as an artist, as a mature woman who is independent, and I want to travel the world doing great work, which I believe is acting, writing and teaching people to live an inspired, passionate, healthy life. Feels great to share that here – thanks! 🙂 Best, lbd
Less is more. And I think the journey to really seeing that and accepting that is a journey of a life time for so many of us.
As I think about the business I love so much and the roles I play in the world which I revere so much I always ask myself, what is enough? Who do I really want to be? If it was all stripped away who would I still be?
If I stripped away all the layers or if they were stripped away for me I know this: I’d still have so much to give and I would have to give it. I’d have to use my life in such a way so that I could FEEL the inside of me on the outside.
A friend of mine recently made a bold decision to “downsize to up level”…I think she’s brilliant and oh so right on. As I look at what I have I think how can I make this be ALL that I need? What I realize is that I don’t really need anything else and now I feel myself taking away the extras so I’m left with something even more pure.
I don’t always find this easy. I do still feel the urge for more but I’m starting to trust my knowing that enough is enough. There is something so pure about living life in the right proportion.
Wow this is a big move. I just returned from Portland and the World Domination Summit and am having similar notions for my future. Interesting that world domination in this sense means less is more. My husband is the main bread winner here and not quite in line with my vision…yet, but he did agree to a five year plan to dump our American Dream and move toward sustainable community.
I respect this very much and think it is an amazingly good albeit difficult life lesson for your kids!
Namaste
Wow. Really uncanny. I have the same thoughts about my life – I really do applaud you for living a life that aligns with your values: sustainability and less stuff. We share these values. While my home is not extravagant by any means, it is where we have been for 17 years. I have 2 boys 16 and 13 and my ex lives around the corner. My husband ( of 2 years) and I forgo quite a bit of life to stay here ” for the kids.” I question the wisdom in this frequently.
Dear Ali,
your blog and the responses are really touching me. A year ago I’ve bought a small piece of land with a cute but simple home in the middle of nowhere. More my partner and I work on it and more time we spent there, more I realize how much I crave nature. 4 mountain ranges surround us and keep us contained while the huge valley seems to expand my heart. More we’re there, more we realize how little we need. More we’re there, more humbled my heart becomes by the people we meet. The freedom to serve only clients I LOVE, the freedom to pray for 2 hours in the morning without pressure of getting in front of my computer, the freedom to respond to my kids’ needs as they arise, the freedom to turn my heart over and over to the Divine and from that place be of service to the world, PRICELESS!
I’d been thinking of stalling my posting on my blog “Sacred Productivity” but with your decision and the responses above, I’ll make sure I’ll continue writing about being productive from the deepest center of our hears.
As you write about having to make less income, I’m also writing about saving more. Not through misery but by surrendering our addiction to buying, to entertainment, to “numbing boredom”. We have (especially me) such busy minds that seem to crave stimulation and from that comes both creativity AND consumption.
Thank you for this post and I wish you all the best at the farm. I can’t wait until I can live on my “ranch” full-time and have my own chickens. I’m sure in no time it’ll be full with animals who need love and a home 🙂
Christiane
Congrats on your new move…and for being such a great example of living the new american dream. hopefully others will be inspired to do the same!
Blessings and love to you! JennQueen of HeartsWWW.Forwomenwhodoitall.com
Congrats on your new move…and for being such a great example of living the new american dream. hopefully others will be inspired to do the same!
Blessings and love to you! JennQueen of HeartsWWW.Forwomenwhodoitall.com
Jenn
Queen of Hearts
http://www.Forwomenwhodoitall.com
OOOPPSSSS!
Jenn
Queen of Hearts
http://www.Forwomenwhodoitall.com
OOOPPSSSS!
This has been a resounding theme in my life, and most recently, off to sell my house too and some fear of the future. Like you, I feel it is a necessary action to free me up from the past, to make room for the bigger better things awaiting me and my family….I so much appreciate your reminder of the dark times preparing us for something greater, it can be too easy to lose that perspective when you are in the midst. Openess of heart, spirit, soul and trusting your inner true self….and watching the unfoldment of greatness on so many levels…
This is fabulous. I notice a common theme among business coaches and leaders is “more, more, more.” It’s never enough. Sell more products, offer more services, raise your prices, etc. When is it enough?
I don’t make anything close to six figures, but I am very happy. I love my business and my clients. As long as I make enough to pay my bills and put a little away, I’m happy. But what most people do is once they start making more, they start buying more. Bigger house, better car, etc. If I ever do hit six figures, I’m staying in my simple three-bedroom house, because it’s enough for me.
From one light warrior to another I have only one divine word for you…. SNAP!
Ask and it is given…
My posse of green angels can deliver a beautiful FULLY- Sustainable, closed loop, affordable home, or retreat center, or an entire community of havens with a full turn key ability to move in and THRIVE within 2 weeks after the ground is ready to receive them.
These havens provide all your needs, energy, heat, cooling, purified-structured-vortexed water, pristine filtered air, and an integrated green house to produce all the raw nutritionally dense organic food for the occupants… year round.
This home will have the inner atmosphere of 300 years ago. No longer need to worry about what might be falling out of the air on to your garden.
This is new, but the result of 35 years of research and development and many millions of dollars of investment. Basically we listened to the billions of years of R&D by mother nature and duplicated that wisdom and technology into our buildings. We are ready to go with 18 manufacturing centers across the country. Our first model home has already been sited at Dr. Cassar’s Ranch in Southern California. Many others on the way.
We are giving investor tours now to meet and greet, touch and feel.
Why not be green and sustainable while being in harmony and luxury with mother nature?
This is the new paradigm of Thrive-Abiltiy.
Are you ready for that something greater… sustainability, community, freedom all in beauty, unity, grace and thrive-ability?
Let’s jump into the mystery and new paradigm of 5D unity with THRIVE-ABILITY together!
GO HERE: http://www.humanhavens.com
In-abundant joy,
Bruce
I just read all the other comments on this wonderful post.
WOW… what beautiful synergy and grace of a unified intentions.
Now is the time we are coming together to support one another to thrive in the simple joy of plugging into the sacred matrix of our Mother Earth. Go barefoot today and let’s connect skin to skin 🙂
Much love to you all, Bruce
From one light warrior to another I have only one divine word for you…. SNAP!
Ask and it is given…
My posse of green angels can deliver a beautiful FULLY- Sustainable, closed loop, affordable home, retreat center, or an entire community of havens with a full turn key ability to move in and THRIVE within 2 weeks after the ground is ready to receive them.
These havens provide all your needs, energy, heat, cooling, purified-structured-vortexed water, pristine filtered air, and an integrated green house to produce all the raw organic food for the occupants.
This home will have the inner atmosphere of 300 years ago. No longer need to worry about what might be falling out of the sky or on to your garden.
This is new and proven technology. It is the result of 35 years of R&D, Biomimicry and many millions of dollars of investment. And we are ready to go with manufacturing centers across the country. Our first model home has already been sited at Dr. Cassar’s Sanctuary in Southern California.
We are giving investor tours now to meet and greet, touch and feel. And I am taking orders and reservations now.
Why not be green and sustainable while being in harmony and luxury with mother nature?
This is the new paradigm of Thrive-Abiltiy.
Are you ready for that something greater… sustainability, community, freedom all in beauty, unity, grace and thrive-ability?
Let’s jump into the mystery and new paradigm of 5D unity with THRIVE-ABILITY together!
GO HERE: http://www.humanhavens.com
In-abundant joy,
Bruce
P.S. I just read all the other comments on this wonderful post.
WOW… what beautiful synergy and grace of a unified intentions.
Now is the time we are coming together to support one another to thrive in the simple joy of plugging into the sacred matrix of our Mother Earth. Go barefoot today and let’s connect skin to skin.
Much love to you all!
Amen! Happiness is always found in the present moment, so whether you do or don’t expand your blog into whatever more enjoy it at every step! I do with mine (The Accidental Seeker) and feel the same as you – but it’s more because I want to expand into a new vocation than feel like I “should”. And whenever I get caught up in “should” I reframe things and chuck the online biz model in favor of doing what I FEEL, realizing I can do or not do any parts of the “formula” and don’t have to follow it all. I think more in terms of expanding it into a “livelihood” rather than a “business”. “Business” makes it seem too serious, dull, never-ending. But growing it into something that can product abundance – albeit in the form of money – feels more freeing and fun. There IS a difference! Andrea Hess turned me onto this way of thinking – see her Empowered Soul blog/site for a great example. Good luck.
First, congratulations! So fun to see you continue to evolve and (especially) not only walk the talk but *live* what you feel in your heart. Second, good luck.
Third, this post made me ponder the nature of materialism and desire. I have a sizeable house w/pool, view, etc. (ironically, near Miami!) and own it but decided after acquiring this now largest home I’ve yet owned that I don’t want and certainly don’t need more of a house. I love what I have now – it is a sanctuary – but just enough so I don’t feel slave to it, I feel IT serves me. If the tables were to turn I think I’d definitely be feeling as you do. And interestingly, regardless of any place I’ve lived, I’ve never been very emotionally attached to the property itself but have felt strong connections to the nature or land surrounding it. I’ve always felt simply like a custodian of whatever dwelling I live in, like I could move on at any time. I travel a lot so that might explain a custodial attitude – I know how utterly liberating living with only a suitcase of stuff can be!
About material wanting, I think it’s great if you’re feeling you want less. However, I don’t think living a sustainable AND materially abundant life need be contradictory, although in today’s world paradigms they usually are. We haven’t completely figured out the way to have both, but I think it’s possible. Also when we understand not only what we want, but WHY WE WANT IT, we are guided to truly conscious (and more sustainable) choices.
Do I want more? In some areas of my life, yes, and sometimes those desires are for material things, yet I cannot blindly want anymore. I often examine my desires and often those desires propel me to step up, play bigger, and do what I should have been doing all along so in that sense as we all know desire can be positively motivating. Sometimes those desires also lead me to more deeply examine my choices – such as not being sucked into the “matrix of the American Dream” (love that!) in the form of a bigger house because what I want MORE is a second property – in the Colorado mountains – as an investment/retirement/vacation home. Or financial flexibility. Or both. All I know for sure is even if I want more “eggs” I definitely don’t want them all in one basket . . . .and therein lies the freedom.
I love hearing about your journey, so please keep sharing it here and as a mom, I’m especially interested in how your kids are reacting and adapting. Obviously I respect your privacy but find the whole family dynamic – not just your journey alone – fascinating and full of great lessons!
Continued blessings to you . . .
Oh, Alexis – I love this! This is something I’ve been wrestling with over the past few years too and I’m so happy you’re lighting the way for others (including me) to follow.
Wishing you love, laughter, health + happiness wherever you call home. 🙂
I welcome you to Colorado, Ali! You are “giving it all up” for something that no money or status or convenience can give to you. Years ago I lived in a consensus-based intentional community up in the mountains with no running water in a little cabin and only wood heat for those sub-zero winter nights… Some community members didn’t think I would make it through the winter chopping my own wood, making fires, etc, but I did! I didn’t have a whole lot to give up at that time in my life, except for: the fears that I couldn’t do it, and any resistance to asking for instruction and support from others. I would be honored to share some of the lessons in simple living and intentional community that I learned with you.
What will this mean for you in maintaining relationships with your past clients? How much are you going to allow yourself to blog & keep in contact w/yr lists??
Based on everything you’ve tried in the last year, you might want to offer your kids some stability as the next step of your “evolution.” They might enjoy it more than you enjoy constantly “evolving.”
You’ve defined sustainable and what I am looking to help people see in their own lives w/ the Money Map. You may not want or need a 6 or 7 fig biz and that’s okay. And if you do, build it consciously so it does not take over your life.
The truth, whatever that means for each person, really does set us free. I always say to my clients, “Find your TRUTH.” A business should serve you and not the other way around.
It is definitely a myth that big money = the easy life. Big money can make some things easier, but it also opens up a whole new set of problems and pressures. I’m glad you found the truth in YOUR life. That’s big.
I’ve already bookmarked this
article and will definitely refer this article to all my close friends and
colleagues. Thanks for posting!
Watch the crying act at the 8:00 mark here:
http://www.viddler.com/explore/alexisneely/videos/26/
You are a dangerous scam-artist and are preying on vulnerable people. Shame on you.
My initial reaction was “has she been brain washed” is she not thinking clearly, than I recalled many of your writings and came to the conclusion that you are simply evolving and growing from within. Life has taught me that the true sense of community, sustainability and freedom for most individuals comes from within…….having read many of your articles and emails over the last 2 years tells me you are an extraordinarily bright and an extremely giving individual with a huge, huge heart……I have learned that in any type of community there is no such thing as equal sharing, there will always be the givers and there will always be the takers and not much in between, I have also learned over the years that the smaller the community the less leeway one has to pick their battles wisely and the freedom to make ones own decisions is lessened to a large degree. I am daily reminding myself every morning that the fundamental premise or doctrine of “caveat emptor” touches every aspect of our lives (not just R.E ) that daily reminder to myself alone has saved me much pain and steered me through many seemingly dark moments throughout the years …..I believe you will find whatever happiness and acceptance you are searching for and it will manifest from within…….I wish you well in your pursuit of happiness for you and your children….
This makes me gip, it’s so self serving and fake.
How many times do you have to brag about how big your house is and your background?