There’s a lot of talk these days about the new paradigm. But, do you know what it really looks like or how it feels or is it just a bunch of mumbo jumbo/marketing speak?
I think for many of us, it’s more marketing speak than anything else and I’m committed to changing that. And the only way I know how to do that is to let you in behind the scenes of what it really looks and feels like to live in the new paradigm, even when it’s hard to do that because it shows you parts of myself that I don’t particularly love. But I’m more committed to truth than anything else, so let’s talk about it in the context of new paradigm collaborative partnerships.
What does it really mean to have a new paradigm collaborative partnership?
Does it mean partnering with people you love? Does it mean trusting? Does it mean keeping an open heart? And if so, what does that mean?
To me, it means open communication and discussion of things that are hard. Because the reality is that when you are in business, things can get sticky. Especially when you are doing business with your friends, which you are going to do in the new paradigm since it’s all about integration of life and business.
When doing business with friends, it’s easy to let miscommunications, taking things personally, and making assumptions get in the way of an amazing partnership.
In fact, that almost happened with me and Max. Well, I should say it almost happened with me.
Here’s what happened:
As you know, Max is in the midst of a big campaign for his Affiliate Tribe right now. At the time, he was rockin’ and rollin’ with his pre-sale educational content so that when he opened his cart, the right people would be ready to join the tribe. Now before I decided on the degree to which I wanted to promote his campaign to my community, I wanted to watch all of his pre-sale educational videos. So I woke up one morning at 5:30a and did just that. It was good stuff and since Max is a great friend and past client of mine and I knew the program was a great complement to my work, I decided I would promote full steam ahead.
But, I didn’t communicate that clearly to Max’s team. Instead, I assumed (violation of one of Don Miguel’s 4 Agreements) that Max (because of our relationship, our common market, and my mad interviewing skills) would without question want me to interview him for my community. So I had my affiliate gal MK email Erika, Max’s right hand girl, and I said – “hey, let’s hook up an interview for me and Max when his cart opens so I can tell my peeps about his program.”
Erika emailed back to MK with something along the lines of … “Max wants to make sure this is going to be a good use of his time, can you guarantee you’ll have a good turnout for the call?”
Ouch. Even writing it here feels painful. My ego was bruised big time! And what it wanted me to do is say &$*! them, I’m not promoting their %&$!en Affiliate Tribe and never talk to Max again.
And this is where the new paradigm comes into play. In the new paradigm, we recognize our reactions as old, fear-based patterns that are no longer necessary to protect us. Max is not a saber-tooth tiger ready to eat me. He is a busy guy in the middle of a campaign and he may not have even known what Erika wrote.
So I emailed Max and Erika to let them know that I felt hurt by Erika’s response and I didn’t feel it was very new paradigm of them to be asking if I could guarantee a certain number of people on the call.
Now, Max and Erika could have responded to my email in a few ways.
1. They could have gotten defensive.
2. They could have turned it back around on me and said or felt there was something wrong with me for feeling hurt.
3. They could have responded with love, letting me know I was heard and they understood why I felt the way I did and then explained where they were coming from.
Hallelujah new paradigm communication! They did #3.
Max emailed me back within a few hours to let me know that he had really considered what I wrote and took it in to feel into what I was saying. He said that his understanding of new paradigm is all about integrity and that it would not be in integrity for him to schedule an interview with me for my list when I had not promoted the campaign at all yet or otherwise indicated I was going to be playing a big role in the campaign. He was doing interviews with his top promotional partners as a way to say thank you for their support and if he did an interview with me without me promoting the campaign it would not be fair to his other promo partners.
That made total sense. And I could immediately see where the miscommunication was. Max and Erika had no way to know I had gotten up at 5:30a that morning to watch the videos or that I had already drafted an email to go out to my community about them. From their perspective, I was playing the friend card to try and get something more or different than other promo partners. They didn’t and couldn’t have known at that point I was planning to play full out because I didn’t communicate that in my email about interviewing Max.
And Erika was writing fast when she responded to MK because she was so busy and it was email so the “tone” was not as loving as it would have been normally. (Erika also called me within 30 minutes of my email to leave me a message of love and understanding.)
In my email back to Max, I told Max he was right about the new paradigm. It is about integrity. And communication. And sharing the truth with love. And I was so grateful for the way we both showed up.
At the end of the day, the whole thing ended with me feeling more on board with Max’s campaign than ever and I ended up sending not just one, but a few emails to my community. Plus, I’m interviewing Max tonight on a call about his Affiliate Tribe (apparently this link does not work in Safari, please try Firefox or IE) and I’ll be giving away a big bonus gift for those of you who join the Tribe. I hope you can be there on the call with me and Max. Here’s where you register for it.
It so easily could have gone the other way – I could have said f*ck it, communicating is too hard. Or he could have said f*ck her, that demanding b&tch, doesn’t she know I’m in the middle of a launch. But we didn’t do that, we communicated with truth and love and a commitment to more connection and understanding. And that’s what the new paradigm is all about.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
26 Comments
This book launch campaign has opened my eyes a bit more and I have been right where you are several times. The assuming happened on my part with you, and I hope I communicated with honesty and integrity when I explained the fear based place I was coming from. I appreciate that you asked me to phrase it differently and called my attention to how it made you feel.
I plan to write a blog about this experience because it was my new “coming out” party to the world of a whole new, and slightly different chapter of my business and life.
Thanks for sharing this Alexis.
I am totally feeling this! Lately the need to follow my gut and speak my truth has been coming to the fore – and the old me would have tried to avoid speaking my truth at all costs if I felt I might be communicating something that would in some way not sit right with the receiver my my communication! It is a challenge – a good one – to now be in integrity with my truth and let go of that old fear! Thank you for this article!
I am totally feeling this! Lately the need to follow my gut and speak my truth has been coming to the fore – and the old me would have tried to avoid speaking my truth at all costs if I felt I might be communicating something that would in some way not sit right with the receiver my my communication! It is a challenge – a good one – to now be in integrity with my truth and let go of that old fear! Thank you for this article!
I am totally feeling this! Lately the need to follow my gut and speak my truth has been coming to the fore – and the old me would have tried to avoid speaking my truth at all costs if I felt I might be communicating something that would in some way not sit right with the receiver my my communication! It is a challenge – a good one – to now be in integrity with my truth and let go of that old fear! Thank you for this article!
Alexis.. we just had the opportunity to connect with you for our radio show that YOU will air on tomorrow and I have to say *THANK YOU* for your complete transparency and honesty. For in this work of integration we are not about being *perfect* in the sense of the word, though consistently taking ownership and communicating from a place of complete truth. I so appreciate you sharing the *behind-the-scenes* and to also note that many of us have had this same type of reaction.. though as we strive to focus on what it is that we want, even more can be given!! So looking forward to the call tonight and appreciate your honesty.
Alexis.. we just had the opportunity to connect with you for our radio show that YOU will air on tomorrow and I have to say *THANK YOU* for your complete transparency and honesty. For in this work of integration we are not about being *perfect* in the sense of the word, though consistently taking ownership and communicating from a place of complete truth. I so appreciate you sharing the *behind-the-scenes* and to also note that many of us have had this same type of reaction.. though as we strive to focus on what it is that we want, even more can be given!! So looking forward to the call tonight and appreciate your honesty.
Alexis.. we just had the opportunity to connect with you for our radio show that YOU will air on tomorrow and I have to say *THANK YOU* for your complete transparency and honesty. For in this work of integration we are not about being *perfect* in the sense of the word, though consistently taking ownership and communicating from a place of complete truth. I so appreciate you sharing the *behind-the-scenes* and to also note that many of us have had this same type of reaction.. though as we strive to focus on what it is that we want, even more can be given!! So looking forward to the call tonight and appreciate your honesty.
I appreciate your transparency and realness. Communication, honesty, integrity, and being willing to be vulnerable are important characteristics to have and exhibit……and humility.
I appreciate your transparency and realness. Communication, honesty, integrity, and being willing to be vulnerable are important characteristics to have and exhibit……and humility.
I appreciate your transparency and realness. Communication, honesty, integrity, and being willing to be vulnerable are important characteristics to have and exhibit……and humility.
I so respect the realness and honesty of this, as others have said. We are all figuring this out as we go, your candor will inspire those of us in your tribes to stay committed to the same. And the ripple effort will be magnificent!
Alexis, thanks for sharing the process – that’s what really makes a difference for us all, to be honest about the complex feelings and issues that arise when we interact with each other. It is so important to hold fast to a commitment to listen to each other with love and an open heart. It is especially important in a world where emails, text messages and blog posts have become primary forms of communication. Just yesterday, my junior colleague came into my office upset at terse email feedback I had sent about errors in a report. He misread my terseness as anger and criticism when in fact it reflected writing it in court under time constraints. I listened and told him look, if I have an issue with you or your work, I will talk to you face to face about it because that is a more appropriate way to give you that feedback, so you can safely assume that terse emails don’t have a negative subtext. He could accept this – because he knows from experience that I mean what I say and that I care about him as an individual, just as I know that he cares about his work, usually does a good job and would respond to my feedback about the error. I appreciate this colleague because he constantly reminds me that good communication requires continual learning about each other’s styles and emotional hot buttons. The key, though, is that there must be mutual trust. If you have someone in your circle or company who is not trustworthy or is a user of other people’s energy, it only takes one to ruin the network or organization for everyone.
Alexis, thanks for sharing with such integrity and a spirit of co-creation. I feel that this type of thinking, feeling and acting in the world are integral on all levels – physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, in business/family/love/friend relationships, and for our own development and evolution of consciousness from a place of pure ego and selfishness to one of altruism or love in action.
The difficult thing is encountering others who at this time are not able to live and embrace this way of being. I’m experiencing that on multiple fronts and on different levels in a few of my personal and business relationships. It has been my experience so far that all one can do is speak and act out of integrity and from a place of compassion, trust and love…hold the Other in the same light and know that if communication on this deep level is not possible with this person, it’s ok…and maybe there is an as-yet unseen reason for it for which we will thank them later! So why not thank them now?
Excellent post!
What I love about you Alexis, is your transparency, honesty and integrity. You are so real and are not afraid to show the truth of who you are and who you are becoming. I admire you for that. I also love that because you are doing your own work, you are aware enough to not take things personally and see other people’s truth. Thanks for keeping it real!
A friend of mine used to say ‘when you assume, you put an ass between you and me.’ Assumption is based on so much judgment and is so one-sided. What a great experience you had with this and sharing it helps so many others.
Thank you for sharing your story. Refreshing.inspiring indeed.
I appreciate you sharing the honesty of the exchanges you had. What I thought was important was that you both held to what you thought was right for you and came together in the middle. You did that by both taking a deep breath and not walking away for the discussion. That’s what I think is missing so many times. People don’t ask for clarification…they get mad if something seems wrong and walk away. I love this stuff! You are right…it’s not always easy but so worth it.
Loving you. Just what I needed to hear today! 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing all of the behind the scenes with us.
Wow-that was great-thank you!
Nice of you two to take the time to sort things out! And I believe that this “paradigm” has been around for some decades. It’s only accelarating now, just like our ability to communicate has accelarated – making the domino effect more and more dramatic. Interesting times indeed…
All best!
Marie-France
Hi Alexis
Thank you for such a candid article about your experience. I have been following the Affiliate Tribe launch and it is so cool to get some of the behind the scenes info. I am so glad that you were able to understand each other! Thank you for keeping it real!
Wow I totally get it … being completely honest in communication and sharing from your Heart.. no holdbacks.. at times a challenge to hear and sometimes to speak.. and yet oh so freeing if you just breathe take in (not personally) and viola the magic flow happens… Clarity and yes even documenting agreement is oh so important during this accelerated transition period. I am experiencing this in my business/personal life on a daily basis and growing and expanding my heart/ my being each and every day. Sister thank you and I appreciate you for your sharing… I am Smiling BiG! Yes a commitment to more connection and understanding. (this is the basis of Concordance Law)- facilitating kindness, compassion and empowerment for families during their most challenging time. Daya- Lawyer/Mediator- Founder of Concordance Law
You are so welcome Kia. It’s the only way we can really effect lasting transformation, I believe. To let people in.
Yes, I find it a challenge also when I come into contact with people who are not able to live and embrace this paradigm. And Im learning to say, it’s just not a match and move on when that happens. We really do all get to choose the energies in our lives. And exactly what you said is the exact right thing to do.
Thanks for sharing this experience Sarah. This is the stuff life is really made of and the more we can share it with each other and talk openly about it the more rapidly we can all transform old ways of being that no longer serve.
You are welcome. Please speak your truth! We need it.